Condoms and crap
Mia’s eyes opened slowly. She looked over for a clock but didn’t find anything in the rarely used guest room. She heard a pan clank down stairs. She stood up and stretched, yawning as her arms, shoulders, and spine cracked. She shivered a bit at the sound. She slid on the shirt that was on the ground and walked out of the room. She walked down the stairs leading into the kitchen to see Julie at the stove making pancakes and Jen at the island snacking on some fruit.
“Hey Lazy!” Julie said turning around smiling.
“Hi,” Mia said yawing again.
“So, how was Zac?” Jen said unable to stop smiling and laughing.
“You told her?”
“What? No! I didn’t say a word! I swear!” Julie told her.
“Different t-shirt!” Jen said rolling her eyes. Mia looked down at her shirt. It was Zac’s, well, a different one of Zac’s, the one that he had been wearing when he climbed though the window.
“Right, so is my hour gone now?”
“Hell no! If some guy climbed to my window and spent the night with me after being threatened with murder, I think I would melt!” Jen smiled, “I mean come on! I’m not heartless!” She laughed.
“Thanks” Mia said walking over and stealing a piece of Jen’s food sticking it in her mouth. “So, what’s on the ‘Lets torture Mia’ agenda today?” Julie turned and put her hand on her hip looking at Mia.
“Oh you know! We thought we would stick pins and needles in a voodoo doll and see what happens!” Jen said winking at her. Julie rolled her eyes and handed Mia a plate with 4 huge chocolate chip pancakes.
“Thanks Julie!” Mia said picking one of the giant circles and sticking a quarter of it in her mouth.
“One of these days you’ll learn to actually savor the food I make you!” she laughed. Mia stuck her tongue with her half chewed food on it out and smiled. Julie handed Jen a plate with 2 pancakes on it and she immediately drenched them in syrup. Mia always ate more food than everyone! Well, everyone except for Zac. And maybe Taylor and Isaac.
“So really, what are we doing today?” Mia questioned.
“Well, getting your dress, and I think it’s the ‘spa day’ until the dinner and stuff!” Jen told her.
“Wait! I’m not wearing a dress!”
“What? Yeah you are!” Jen told her.
“Uh! The hell I am! Zac and I agreed!”
“On?” Julie questioned.
“Well he is wearing that black shirt with the printed tux thing on it and I got a shirt!”
“With what on it?” Jen asked suspiciously.
“Well its white and the sleeves and top have some lace crap on it! Well, also the body part does but its over white material so you cant really see it! And then Zac is just wearing black pants or something and I am wearing white ones! Happy?”
“Aww! That’s so adorable! Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” she exclaimed, “sorry mom!” she added when Julie looked at her raising her eye brow. “Ok, well I still need a dress and so does Jess, Avie, and Zoë! We will go dress shopping for them then!”
“I can drive y’all in the van! We can stop by your place after you eat and stuff!” Julie told her ripping off a piece of one of Mia’s pancakes and sticking it in her mouth with a smile.
The three finished their food and Julie called Diana to tell her to get her girls up and ready to go. Jen and Mia got ready. As Mia slid on Zac’s shirt after her shower Jen walked into her room.
“How’s the skin?” she asked.
“Fine! Its pretty much all better now!”
“How’s Zac?” she asked slyly.
“Amazing!” Mia teased, “If you must ask, he kissed it and made it better!”
“And what is this ‘it’? Did you two do dirty deeds in my guest room?” Jen laughed.
“Ha Ha! No! ‘It’ is my skin!” She laughed as she slid on her shorts.
“Ready?” Julie said peering her head in the room. The two nodded and headed for the door. On the way to the Hanson house Mia started tapping on the window, her leg, the armrest, everything that would make noise. Jen glared at her, and she shrugged it off.
Mia got out of the car and ran to the door. She turned the knob and slid in, she shut the door quietly and locked it to buy her more time. She ran strait to the kitchen and peered around the corner just as Diana walked out the other exit. She saw Zac reaching up and getting a glass from the cupboard. She ran over and wrapped her arms around him ducking under his arm and putting her head on his chest.
“Morning!”
“Hey you!” He said leaning down and kissing her. “Hey,” He said pulling away, “I have to talk to you about something”
“Ok, shoot!” she said jumping up and sitting on the counter. As soon as Zac was about to talk, Diana walked back into the kitchen to go to the door.
“God! Is no one going to get the door? Morning Mia!” She said walking though the kitchen.
“Hey mom,” Mia said, it was easier if she just called Diana mom, “Don’t worry about it, its just Julie and Jen!” she laughed.
“Lock them out again?”
“Yep!” Mia smiled. Diana rolled her eyes.
“Off the counter Mia!” Diana said as she walked though the door.
“I think I can help with that!” Zac said smiling as he grabbed her legs and wrapped them around his body. He picked her up and walked her to the couch in the other room, kissing her. He sat them both down on the couch. “Ok, but this is serious!” he said breaking the kissing between them.
“Uh, ok, go ahead! Talk”
“Well, I was talking with Ike and Tay earlier and, well, its about, I mean, like using things.” He said nervously.
“Things? As in,” she paused, “like condoms and crap?”
“Yeah,” Zac laughed, “and crap!”
“Sorry,” she laughed, “Well, I don’t know, I guess its kinda up to you, I mean, it doesn’t really go on me!”
“Well, you have a point!” he laughed.
“Well, I’m not on anything, it’s kinda too late for that now, and I kinda think that it might be better not to, at least not at the beginning! You know?”
“Yeah! That’s smart! It makes sense! I mean I just didn’t want to be unprepared and then you be mad or me be and you and I have a fight and--”
“Zac! We’ve never fought before! Ever! What makes you think that a stupid condom would make us fight?”
“Well, I don’t know, babies and stu--” Zac was cut off my Mia’s lips on his and her tongue in his mouth.
“God! Get a room!” Jen said walking in. Mia got off Zac and sat next to him as Jen sat on the opposite side of the couch, “No really! Get a room! Do it already!” she winked.
“Hey Jen!” Zac said.
“Hi! Now, why didn’t you tell me what you were wearing to the wedding?” Jen yelled throwing a couch pillow that Zac dodged easier than the one Ike threw.
“Well Jen, maybe I was a bit afraid that you would scratch my eyes out!”
“No! I think its sweet!”
“Ok, who hit Jen across the head with a brick?” he said looking Mia in the eye.
“I don’t know what happened! I walked down stairs this morning, she knew you had been over, she didn’t care! Then she asked about what we were wearing! Its weird!” Mia told him with a shrug.
“Jen, are you high? Drunk? What? This isn’t like you one bit!” Zac laughed at her. She stuck her tongue out at him.
Julie and Diana walked in the room.
“Hi Zac!” Julie winked. His eyes got wider because his mother was in the room and she, unlike Julie, didn’t know that he spent the night at her house. Julie laughed.
“So you guys ready to go? I’m going with you, and No, Zac cant come!” Diana told them looking at Mia.
“What?” Mia protested, “But, why not?” she turned and got on top of Zac, he laughed, “I mean it is kinda his decision too!”
“No it isn’t!” Jen jumped in.
“Yeah it is!” Mia said, looking at Zac and kissing him.
“And THIS would be why Zac can’t come!” Diana said rolling her eyes.
“But mommy!” Zac said in a baby voice looking up at his mom. She rolled her eyes. “Well, we tried!” He laughed before kissing her.
“Ok! We gotta go! Mia go get the girls!” Diana told her.
“Little busy!” She said still attached to Zac’s lips.
“Jen?” Diana said with a sigh.
“I’ll do it!” she said rolling her eyes and throwing another pillow at Zac, this time hitting him seeing as he was a little bit preoccupied at the moment. Jen got up and ran to the girls room. Diana and Julie stood there while Zac and Mia continued to kiss. They both got uncomfortable very quickly and they decided to go anywhere else but there.
“So,” Zac started, “no pink!” he laughed.
“Zac, why would I let pink anywhere near my wedding?”
“YOUR wedding? I thought you needed two to tango!”
“Well, depends on what kind on tango you mean! Cause there is the actual tango,” Zac gently lifted her as she spoke, “the wedding tango,” he laid he on the couch and got on top of her, “then there is sex tango.” She smiled and he kissed her just as Jen came down with the three girls.
“Zoë in the room!” Jen yelled before the youngest sister entered. Zac rolled off Mia and landed on the ground. It isn’t that he was afraid of Zoë would see, it was a combination of that, the fact that he didn’t notice Jen and his sisters until she said something, and the fact that he almost stuck his hands up her shirt! Mia laughed at him.
“Shut up!” he laughed as he leaned up to kiss her, still on the floor.
“Ewww! Gross!” a little voice said from behind the couch. Mia broke the kiss and smiled at Zac before licking the side of his face.
“Ewww! Gross!” he said mimicking his little sister and standing up and jumping over the couch and grabbing Zoë. She squirmed and squealed but Zac held her in a bear hug.
“Zaac!” she wined, “Miaa! Get him off!”
“Sorry Zo! I can beat Zac up on a normal day, but when it comes to him grabbing 4 year old girls, he’s just tougher!” Mia laughed as Zac shook his sister.
“Zac! Come on put her down before she pukes on you!” Jessica said from behind him. He turned around and faced her.
“Actually Jess, she would puke on you!” he said shaking Zoë some more as she giggled.
“Zac!” Jess whined again, this time grabbing Zoë out of his arms.
“Come on Jess! I’m just letting her have a little fun before being stuck dress shopping!”
“Hey! How do you think I feel?” Mia interjected.
“Well then,” Zac said going back over the couch, “Guess you need some more fun!” He winked at her and kissed her.
“Zac you’re disgusting!” Jess said walking her and Zoë into the kitchen.
“Zac! Get off Mia and help me drag her to the door please!” Jen demanded walking back into the room where Zac and Mia were.
“Don’t wanna!” He mumbled. Jen tapped her foot impatiently.
“Zac! If you don’t! I’m calling off the wedding!” She threatened. He looked up from Mia.
“Jen, WE aren’t getting married! I mean I know you fantasize about me, and I’m sorry to break your heart, but”
“Oh shut up Zac!”
“Come on! Admit it! You love me! I’m sure Mia wouldn’t mind if you snuck a kiss!” Zac teased her. Mia rolled her eyes and laughed.
“Zac, I would rather kiss a poison frog!”
“Ribbit!” Zac laughed. Mia smacked his chest with the back of her hand and laughed. She crawled out from underneath him and leaned down and kissed him again. Jen grabbed her arm and dragged her to the door. “Hold on!” Zac said running after her.
“No!” Jen yelled still dragging Mia. Zac caught up pretty fast and grabbed Mia’s waist pulling her close. He leaned down and whispered in her ear. The both laughed and she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek before turning around and walking out the door. Jen and Mia got into the car where the rest of the group was waiting. Right before Julie drove away Mia stuck her head out the window facing the front door where Zac still stood.
“Remember! Soon I won’t have to leave!” Mia said repeating what Zac had told her earlier.
“I love you!” He yelled back.
“Love you too!” She said just as Julie started to drive away.
“Hey Lazy!” Julie said turning around smiling.
“Hi,” Mia said yawing again.
“So, how was Zac?” Jen said unable to stop smiling and laughing.
“You told her?”
“What? No! I didn’t say a word! I swear!” Julie told her.
“Different t-shirt!” Jen said rolling her eyes. Mia looked down at her shirt. It was Zac’s, well, a different one of Zac’s, the one that he had been wearing when he climbed though the window.
“Right, so is my hour gone now?”
“Hell no! If some guy climbed to my window and spent the night with me after being threatened with murder, I think I would melt!” Jen smiled, “I mean come on! I’m not heartless!” She laughed.
“Thanks” Mia said walking over and stealing a piece of Jen’s food sticking it in her mouth. “So, what’s on the ‘Lets torture Mia’ agenda today?” Julie turned and put her hand on her hip looking at Mia.
“Oh you know! We thought we would stick pins and needles in a voodoo doll and see what happens!” Jen said winking at her. Julie rolled her eyes and handed Mia a plate with 4 huge chocolate chip pancakes.
“Thanks Julie!” Mia said picking one of the giant circles and sticking a quarter of it in her mouth.
“One of these days you’ll learn to actually savor the food I make you!” she laughed. Mia stuck her tongue with her half chewed food on it out and smiled. Julie handed Jen a plate with 2 pancakes on it and she immediately drenched them in syrup. Mia always ate more food than everyone! Well, everyone except for Zac. And maybe Taylor and Isaac.
“So really, what are we doing today?” Mia questioned.
“Well, getting your dress, and I think it’s the ‘spa day’ until the dinner and stuff!” Jen told her.
“Wait! I’m not wearing a dress!”
“What? Yeah you are!” Jen told her.
“Uh! The hell I am! Zac and I agreed!”
“On?” Julie questioned.
“Well he is wearing that black shirt with the printed tux thing on it and I got a shirt!”
“With what on it?” Jen asked suspiciously.
“Well its white and the sleeves and top have some lace crap on it! Well, also the body part does but its over white material so you cant really see it! And then Zac is just wearing black pants or something and I am wearing white ones! Happy?”
“Aww! That’s so adorable! Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” she exclaimed, “sorry mom!” she added when Julie looked at her raising her eye brow. “Ok, well I still need a dress and so does Jess, Avie, and Zoë! We will go dress shopping for them then!”
“I can drive y’all in the van! We can stop by your place after you eat and stuff!” Julie told her ripping off a piece of one of Mia’s pancakes and sticking it in her mouth with a smile.
The three finished their food and Julie called Diana to tell her to get her girls up and ready to go. Jen and Mia got ready. As Mia slid on Zac’s shirt after her shower Jen walked into her room.
“How’s the skin?” she asked.
“Fine! Its pretty much all better now!”
“How’s Zac?” she asked slyly.
“Amazing!” Mia teased, “If you must ask, he kissed it and made it better!”
“And what is this ‘it’? Did you two do dirty deeds in my guest room?” Jen laughed.
“Ha Ha! No! ‘It’ is my skin!” She laughed as she slid on her shorts.
“Ready?” Julie said peering her head in the room. The two nodded and headed for the door. On the way to the Hanson house Mia started tapping on the window, her leg, the armrest, everything that would make noise. Jen glared at her, and she shrugged it off.
Mia got out of the car and ran to the door. She turned the knob and slid in, she shut the door quietly and locked it to buy her more time. She ran strait to the kitchen and peered around the corner just as Diana walked out the other exit. She saw Zac reaching up and getting a glass from the cupboard. She ran over and wrapped her arms around him ducking under his arm and putting her head on his chest.
“Morning!”
“Hey you!” He said leaning down and kissing her. “Hey,” He said pulling away, “I have to talk to you about something”
“Ok, shoot!” she said jumping up and sitting on the counter. As soon as Zac was about to talk, Diana walked back into the kitchen to go to the door.
“God! Is no one going to get the door? Morning Mia!” She said walking though the kitchen.
“Hey mom,” Mia said, it was easier if she just called Diana mom, “Don’t worry about it, its just Julie and Jen!” she laughed.
“Lock them out again?”
“Yep!” Mia smiled. Diana rolled her eyes.
“Off the counter Mia!” Diana said as she walked though the door.
“I think I can help with that!” Zac said smiling as he grabbed her legs and wrapped them around his body. He picked her up and walked her to the couch in the other room, kissing her. He sat them both down on the couch. “Ok, but this is serious!” he said breaking the kissing between them.
“Uh, ok, go ahead! Talk”
“Well, I was talking with Ike and Tay earlier and, well, its about, I mean, like using things.” He said nervously.
“Things? As in,” she paused, “like condoms and crap?”
“Yeah,” Zac laughed, “and crap!”
“Sorry,” she laughed, “Well, I don’t know, I guess its kinda up to you, I mean, it doesn’t really go on me!”
“Well, you have a point!” he laughed.
“Well, I’m not on anything, it’s kinda too late for that now, and I kinda think that it might be better not to, at least not at the beginning! You know?”
“Yeah! That’s smart! It makes sense! I mean I just didn’t want to be unprepared and then you be mad or me be and you and I have a fight and--”
“Zac! We’ve never fought before! Ever! What makes you think that a stupid condom would make us fight?”
“Well, I don’t know, babies and stu--” Zac was cut off my Mia’s lips on his and her tongue in his mouth.
“God! Get a room!” Jen said walking in. Mia got off Zac and sat next to him as Jen sat on the opposite side of the couch, “No really! Get a room! Do it already!” she winked.
“Hey Jen!” Zac said.
“Hi! Now, why didn’t you tell me what you were wearing to the wedding?” Jen yelled throwing a couch pillow that Zac dodged easier than the one Ike threw.
“Well Jen, maybe I was a bit afraid that you would scratch my eyes out!”
“No! I think its sweet!”
“Ok, who hit Jen across the head with a brick?” he said looking Mia in the eye.
“I don’t know what happened! I walked down stairs this morning, she knew you had been over, she didn’t care! Then she asked about what we were wearing! Its weird!” Mia told him with a shrug.
“Jen, are you high? Drunk? What? This isn’t like you one bit!” Zac laughed at her. She stuck her tongue out at him.
Julie and Diana walked in the room.
“Hi Zac!” Julie winked. His eyes got wider because his mother was in the room and she, unlike Julie, didn’t know that he spent the night at her house. Julie laughed.
“So you guys ready to go? I’m going with you, and No, Zac cant come!” Diana told them looking at Mia.
“What?” Mia protested, “But, why not?” she turned and got on top of Zac, he laughed, “I mean it is kinda his decision too!”
“No it isn’t!” Jen jumped in.
“Yeah it is!” Mia said, looking at Zac and kissing him.
“And THIS would be why Zac can’t come!” Diana said rolling her eyes.
“But mommy!” Zac said in a baby voice looking up at his mom. She rolled her eyes. “Well, we tried!” He laughed before kissing her.
“Ok! We gotta go! Mia go get the girls!” Diana told her.
“Little busy!” She said still attached to Zac’s lips.
“Jen?” Diana said with a sigh.
“I’ll do it!” she said rolling her eyes and throwing another pillow at Zac, this time hitting him seeing as he was a little bit preoccupied at the moment. Jen got up and ran to the girls room. Diana and Julie stood there while Zac and Mia continued to kiss. They both got uncomfortable very quickly and they decided to go anywhere else but there.
“So,” Zac started, “no pink!” he laughed.
“Zac, why would I let pink anywhere near my wedding?”
“YOUR wedding? I thought you needed two to tango!”
“Well, depends on what kind on tango you mean! Cause there is the actual tango,” Zac gently lifted her as she spoke, “the wedding tango,” he laid he on the couch and got on top of her, “then there is sex tango.” She smiled and he kissed her just as Jen came down with the three girls.
“Zoë in the room!” Jen yelled before the youngest sister entered. Zac rolled off Mia and landed on the ground. It isn’t that he was afraid of Zoë would see, it was a combination of that, the fact that he didn’t notice Jen and his sisters until she said something, and the fact that he almost stuck his hands up her shirt! Mia laughed at him.
“Shut up!” he laughed as he leaned up to kiss her, still on the floor.
“Ewww! Gross!” a little voice said from behind the couch. Mia broke the kiss and smiled at Zac before licking the side of his face.
“Ewww! Gross!” he said mimicking his little sister and standing up and jumping over the couch and grabbing Zoë. She squirmed and squealed but Zac held her in a bear hug.
“Zaac!” she wined, “Miaa! Get him off!”
“Sorry Zo! I can beat Zac up on a normal day, but when it comes to him grabbing 4 year old girls, he’s just tougher!” Mia laughed as Zac shook his sister.
“Zac! Come on put her down before she pukes on you!” Jessica said from behind him. He turned around and faced her.
“Actually Jess, she would puke on you!” he said shaking Zoë some more as she giggled.
“Zac!” Jess whined again, this time grabbing Zoë out of his arms.
“Come on Jess! I’m just letting her have a little fun before being stuck dress shopping!”
“Hey! How do you think I feel?” Mia interjected.
“Well then,” Zac said going back over the couch, “Guess you need some more fun!” He winked at her and kissed her.
“Zac you’re disgusting!” Jess said walking her and Zoë into the kitchen.
“Zac! Get off Mia and help me drag her to the door please!” Jen demanded walking back into the room where Zac and Mia were.
“Don’t wanna!” He mumbled. Jen tapped her foot impatiently.
“Zac! If you don’t! I’m calling off the wedding!” She threatened. He looked up from Mia.
“Jen, WE aren’t getting married! I mean I know you fantasize about me, and I’m sorry to break your heart, but”
“Oh shut up Zac!”
“Come on! Admit it! You love me! I’m sure Mia wouldn’t mind if you snuck a kiss!” Zac teased her. Mia rolled her eyes and laughed.
“Zac, I would rather kiss a poison frog!”
“Ribbit!” Zac laughed. Mia smacked his chest with the back of her hand and laughed. She crawled out from underneath him and leaned down and kissed him again. Jen grabbed her arm and dragged her to the door. “Hold on!” Zac said running after her.
“No!” Jen yelled still dragging Mia. Zac caught up pretty fast and grabbed Mia’s waist pulling her close. He leaned down and whispered in her ear. The both laughed and she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek before turning around and walking out the door. Jen and Mia got into the car where the rest of the group was waiting. Right before Julie drove away Mia stuck her head out the window facing the front door where Zac still stood.
“Remember! Soon I won’t have to leave!” Mia said repeating what Zac had told her earlier.
“I love you!” He yelled back.
“Love you too!” She said just as Julie started to drive away.